When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
