i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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