do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
