I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
