i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
