you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
