Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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