This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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