I met the friendliest cop last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
