I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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