he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
