Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did i walk over a car last night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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