So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
