So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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