Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
