im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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