Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
