Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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