last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
