just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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