he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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