I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
