I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize