Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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