I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize