I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
