So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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