before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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