Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
