oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
