Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize