dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
