Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
