ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
