She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
