guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
