Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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