he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
