I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
