Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize