forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
