haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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