saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
