my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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