she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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