I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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