Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
