I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
