he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
