she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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