Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you

(248): View more from Michigan

Gross. gingers suck

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

Fav 12 1001 2011
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(818): View more from California

wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

Fav 6 805 3155
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

Fav 22 4393 1769
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(803): View more from South Carolina

If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

Fav 22 4622 2007
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

Fav 8 4541 1308
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine

Fav 12 3842 1233
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(802): View more from Vermont

I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.

Fav 1 251 114
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(716): View more from New York

I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining

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