Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
