This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
