Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize