i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
