I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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