I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
