I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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