I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
