we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
