That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
