Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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