omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
