You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
