I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
