I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
