Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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