i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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