All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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