$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
