I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
